I recently purchased the oeuvre of one John Vanderslice, and as a consequence, I have been thinking about the WTC attack. Given who I am, anything following that is going to be a big barrel of "wrong" so please accept my "apologies" in advance.

First, I wonder who was the first person or reporter or writer to refer to those events as "9/11" or "September 11th"?

Second, when investigating crimes we are supposed to pursue "means, motive, and opportunity" and I don't think enough effort was put into investigating Paula Poundstone. Ask the question: Who had the most to gain? If you will recall, the media was building her a bonfire on September 10th. I am sure she had the same reaction as most of us, shock and horror, and whatnot... But I'd have to bet that on some primitive level she must have been relieved. It's awful to say, but seriously, she was about to be crucified by the media! Although, truthfully, I think the conspiracy was a little out of her league. But if you happen to be a 9/11 "Truth" whackjob, why not direct some of your razor-sharp attentions on Paula Poundstone?

On that note, third, as much as I tried not to, I had two unshakable responses the day of 9/11. After, "This is a lucky break for Paula Poundstone," I initially thought, "and George Bush too. This is going to make him." Ask my mother. Then, soon after, I tried not to but I couldn't shake it. I was like Porkins with that T.I.E. fighter, "I can't shake it! I can't shake it!" My next thought was, "This would make one hell of a pinball game."

I couldn't help it. And I must admit now, I was right. It really would make a SUPERB pinball game. Give me a break! I was perpetually unemployed. What is there to do all day when you're depressed and unemployed. I had had to move (briefly) back in with my parents a few weeks before. I was about to turn thirty. That's a tough time! You want to talk about a lousy thirtieth birthday. I suppose it would be worse if your birthday was actually September 11th. That would be bad. Imagine how many kids were born on that day! That must suck. Happy Seventh Birthday! But back to me. I spent as much time as possible out of the house, of course. I was getting pretty good at some pinball games. I was able to keep the ball in the safe spots and out of the out lanes. I was getting good at tilting, even. And if you've ever had a period of your life where you were hooked on pinball, you know how that table infects your every waking thought. If you have no control over your life, here's a place where things can make sense.

And it is odd that pinball makes sense. What is the story? Are you the ball? Are you the flippers? Is the ball your "opponent"? Is the game itself your enemy? Or are you and the game collaborating in some sort of dance? It is a strange game, in that the analogies are all so strained. Yet at the same time, pinball is a fairly philosophical pursuit.

So, before the attacks, I was planning on hopping in my car, heading down to the Southside, and playing pinball. My mother told me about it, and she said she was scared, and I said, "Nothing to be scared of, it's over." I don't know how, but I knew. I was very calm. It was not very long afterward that I was saying, "Listen, if that's the best they can do, we have nothing to worry about... They couldn't even use their own weapons, they had to borrow a weapon, and a clumsy one at that." I am not saying the attacks weren't horrific or effective. I'm just saying that the US killed 120,000 people in one night of bombing, and that was 1945. This was (militarily) a pathetic attack, and a desperate one.

All that aside, perfect pinball narrative.

Tags: 911, pinball

I have decided that the funniest unholy idea I've ever had would be to make a pinball game based on the film The Accused starring Jodie Foster.

Tags: bad idea, pinball

Well, you little buzzing bees have sure made some honey... here are the latest Really Bad Pinball ideas. Please keep thinking Pinball. Keep thinking really bad pinball, and thank you to the charming contributors, yinzes ideas are awesome, I hope I can use them all for the song I'll probably never finish!

Thanks to lieslweapon for these gems...

- The Menstrual Cycle - (Rock!)
- Trying to Concieve
- Knitting a Sweater
- Prom
- Monopoly
- Origami - (Awesome!)
- The Passion of The Christ - Okay so I modified your idea a bit here. One of the great things about pinball games is that you sort of play both sides... like in the classic Attack From Mars! you alternate between "being" the Martians and stealing cattle and what not, and the Military who are attacking the Martians. You are on both sides, and your purpose is to sort of move the action along. So in Passion of The Christ the pinball game, sometimes you are the Romans whipping Jesus, and sometimes... actually, I can't think of anything that Jesus did to sort of move the action along. He was kind of a nothing in that movie. But, seriously! Can't you see Passion of the Christ as a pinball game? If I ever meet Jim Caviziel or Mel Gibson I am going to make a gift of it to them.

Thanks to nylorac for:

- SAT (High Score 1600)
- Crossfire (which would actually be a great pinball game)

Thanks to hurricane_linda for:

- Halo!

and thanks to from_ashes for the bounteous:

- Open Mike Night
- Finnegan's Wake (Rock!)
- Global Warming
- Gallagher!
- Yom Kippur
- Defragment! (Rock!)
- Vast Rightwing Conspiracy (Which I would LOVE to play! Imagine the ball bouncing back and forth between the bumper jets, Blue Dress, blue dress, cigar, cigar, whitewater... or hit ramp to assassinate Vince Foster, or Special Prosecutor MULTIBALL!)
- tic tac toe
- child beaut pageant
- Our Bodies, Ourselves
- Quilting Bee


I came up with a few, I think:

- Jury Duty
- Librarian
- Job Interview

... but you can see I am lagging behind the juggernaut that is all of you! Keep sending me bad pinball ideas!

Tags: game, idea, pinball, song

I have this idea for a song, and it makes a good game too. When I used to feel frustrated or upset in a strange place, I used to imagine that the situation was a pinball game. It was really quite calming. Because the nature of pinball is similar to (potentially) frustrating public places. For instance, in Los Angeles, sometimes it takes 45 minutes to drive a mile, and sometimes it takes 20 minutes to go all the way across town. There's no telling what you're going to get. Try to anticipate basketball traffic, or airport traffic ... well, it never works. You gotta kinda take what you get and make the best of it. The same goes for pinball, sometimes the game works in your favor and you get the flow going, and sometimes... nothing goes right... the ball just flies out the out lanes like there were... like there were GODDAMN MAGNETS! THEY HAVE MAGNETS UNDER THERE, I'M TELLING YOU!

So, I had this game where I'd pretend this was a pinball game, and all the sounds I was hearing corresponded to the various aspects of pinball. It works. It's a good public stress reliever. Good if you're shy at parties, etc...

Anyway, I am trying to write a song called Fifty Bad Ideas for Pinball Games, and I have quite a few. I will share. But, I'd like to appeal to y'all for some great bad pinball game ideas. Here's mine:

- Janeane Garofolo (also a bad idea for a comedian)
- The Amish (also the film Witness)
- Schindler's List (Hit Loop for Red Dress MULTIBALL!)
- The United Nations
- Ordinary People
- Jonbenet! (also a good bad musical title)
- Rubik's Cube (I think "Cubin'! would be the name of the game.)
- Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
- Affirmative Action
- Bennifer
- The Breakfast Club
- Anne Frank
- Moustache!
- DMV
- Bulimia
- Dialysis
- Toupee!
- google
- Keanu
- The Last Supper
- My Dinner with Andre
- Waiting for the Cable Guy

Any ideas for really bad pinball games? Also, it may occur to you that really bad pinball game ideas are actually really good pinball game ideas. I think, as a media, pinball is hopelessly trapped in the seventies and is in great need of a revival with a hip nineties attitude. Just imagine the situation with iconic, cartoonish pinball graphics, and you'll begin to see how fun this is.

Also, I am stuck in the nineties. But that is beside the point. Get to work, slaves, GIVE ME YOUR BAD PINBALL IDEAS!

Tags: game, idea, pinball, song

Think I'll head down to the South Side and play some pinball. I like pinball, you can get lost in the world of pinball, and it is skill dependent. You can play for a long time if you're good. I wish I was good at pinball.

Tags: beehive, pinball, south side